My manifesto for living a happy life

By Nila Sweeney

I give up craving for approval, knowing that those who give it can also take it away on a whim. By placing my self-worth and happiness at the mercy of others, I became unnecessarily needy and despondent when I don’t get my fix.

I know now that the only way I can truly be happy is to do the things that I love and that makes a difference to others. I shall no longer be a hostage to other people's opinions.

I give up being a coward, knowing that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. Being afraid of taking chances has cost me some of the biggest misses in my life. I’ve wasted precious time that I can never take back and opportunities that may not be repeated due to my cowardice.  

Having survived the things that I went through earlier in life, I know I have what it takes to thrive. It’s now time to liberate myself from the self-limiting fear and open myself to life and everything it offers.

I give up being a perfectionist, knowing that making mistakes is a part of being human and the best way to learn life’s lessons.

By being a perfectionist, I've alienated even my closest allies due to my unreasonable demands. I realised I've only been seeing what’s wrong and never what’s done right. It’s time for me to start appreciating people even more.

I give up being judgemental, knowing that I, too, have many flaws. Being judgemental has made me suspicious and distrustful of others. It also gave me permission to blame them for being the way they are.

People don't get any chance with me when I’m judgemental. Even before they make the first move, I’ve already diminished their worth in my head, justifying my choice of avoiding them altogether.

Therefore, I shall stop judging people, and instead spend time getting to know them on a deeper level. I know I would be pleasantly surprised with what I discover. 

I give up procrastinating, knowing that I am wasting precious time and not accomplishing the things I set out to do. If I’m really honest about it, I’m procrastinating because I’m afraid to take action. It’s time to let go of my excuses and start acting. The time for procrastination is over. It's time to take that leap.

How to make that leap even when you're scared

If you’re finding it difficult to make the ultimate leap towards your dream no matter how much time you’ve prepared yourself, these might help.

 

By Nila Sweeney

Perhaps you're thinking of starting your own business. Maybe you want to change career or go back to work after taking a long break. Maybe you're dreaming about travelling the world, taking your relationships to the next level, or ending the current one you're in.

You’ve been diligently preparing yourself. But then even after spending a lot of time getting ready, you're still unable to make the crucial next step.

You know you need to act and desperately want to take the plunge. But how?

Here are three simple steps that might help you finally make that leap.

Acknowledge your fear.

There’s no getting around this first step. Until you admit to what you’re feeling, whether its anxiety or fear, you won’t be able to get to the bottom of what’s really causing it. There’s no point ignoring your fear because it’s bound to resurface when you least expect it.

Remember, what you resist persist.

It’s helpful to see fear and anxiety for what they really are: feelings that are fleeting. They come and go. You don’t have to fear them or avoid them at all cost. Learn to sit with them. Embrace them. Make them your best friend. Since they’ve been with you all this time, they’re likely to stick around for awhile more.

Realise that perhaps you’re more afraid of the feeling of fear rather than fear itself. If you can be with your fear or anxiety long enough to understand that they’re just feelings, you’ll be able to move on to the next step.

Find out what’s causing this fear.

Ask yourself, is starting your own business or travelling the world really such a dangerous thing? Actually, it’s not. There are far riskier things you could be doing right now.

So what are you really afraid of? Make a list. I can hear you grumbling. Not another list! I can assure you, this works.  Try it.

Putting things into writing really helps in clarifying your thoughts by understanding the root of your fear and anxiety. 

You might find that what you’re really afraid if is not about losing money. Perhaps it’s more to do with not meeting the expectations you set upon yourself. Perhaps you're afraid of failing. Perhaps you created this elaborate fantasy that you should make tens of thousands of dollars in your first venture. Recognising that these are just fantasies will help you realise just how much you’ve glorified your fears.

Once you get to the bottom of what’s really causing your fear, you can now let it go and take the next step.

Focus on what you gain by letting go of your fear.

What would it look like if you let go of your fear? Would you gain the juiciest relationship? Peace of mind? Would you gain adventure or financial freedom?

Focusing on what you gain makes it easier for you to let go of your fears. It enables you to see how your fears make you procrastinate and miss out on all these available opportunities.   

As you loosen your grip to your fear, you’d find that it also slackens its grip on you. You can now go through any perceived obstacles with confidence; knowing that you largely created them and therefore, you do have the power to banish them.

Now, take a deep breath and jump!

Still making excuses? Now you can stop with these 4 simple steps

We know excuses hold us back. Yet we all make them. Here’s how to get rid of this self-limiting habit once and for all.

 By Nila Sweeney

I’m full of excuses. At least I used to be.

I had a lot of excuses for the bad decisions that I’ve made in the past. I had a long list of excuses for my bad behaviour and certainly made excuses when things went wrong. Of course I also had many reasons for not doing the things that I’m passionate about.

I used to believe that if I had an excuse, then I didn’t have to be responsible. I could get away with anything. And I did get away with a lot of things.

But I also paid a big price. Because I was too busy making all these excuses, I didn’t learn from my mistakes. I kept making them over and over again. I’ve wasted many precious opportunities to improve myself and my situation.

I was stuck in a rut, which is not exactly the kind of life I dreamed about.

I wanted an extraordinary life where I’d be doing what I love while making a difference to others. I didn’t want a life where I was just getting by.

So I knew my excuses had to go. Once I made the decision to let go of my excuses, I was able to focus on actually doing what I'm passionate about. I've been a happier person as a result of taking action instead of hiding behind my excuses.

Here's how I banished my excuses and how you can do it too.

Get clear about what’s important to you.

Once I got clear about what I want in my life and what’s important to me, I was able to see my excuses for what they really are: obstacles in my path to living my dream.

Once I realised just how much my excuses have been running the show and preventing me from living a fulfilled life, it was easier to let them go.

You can do it too. Ask yourself, what excuses have you been telling yourself and others for not pursuing your dreams? Why are you holding on to these excuses? Are your excuses more important than living the life you want?

Realise that having an excuse is not a substitute for taking action.

If you missed a deadline for example, having an excuse doesn’t make up for the fact that you missed it. You’re still late. You still have to bear the consequences, like it or not.

If you want to travel but always have an excuse not to do it, you’re still stuck in wishful thinking territory. You’re still not going anywhere.

If you want to start an exercise regime but always finding an excuse not to do it, you’ll still end up in poorer health despite your excuses.

Until you realise that your excuses are not substitute for taking action and responsibility, you’ll always be stuck. You would continue living a comfortable, but pretty ordinary life.

Take responsibility.

I’ve used my excuses to get out of owning up to my mistakes. I’ve also used it to justify my actions, no matter how damaging they were.

When you take responsibility instead of making excuses you'd find solution to your situation. It compels you to take action.

Realise just how much your excuses are hurting you.

Holding onto your excuses is pretty twisted. Yet we do it because it's an easy way out.

But if we’re really honest about it, we can see how it’s hurting us. Our excuses are holding us back. They prevent us from reaching our potential and living a fulfilled life.

Next time your excuses crop up, remember to see them for what they really are: ineffective and damaging habits that are obstructing your way.

Once you stop believing in your excuses, you can start living your life.

Please feel free to share with others. You may also want to read How to bounce back from failure.