Still making excuses? Now you can stop with these 4 simple steps

We know excuses hold us back. Yet we all make them. Here’s how to get rid of this self-limiting habit once and for all.

 By Nila Sweeney

I’m full of excuses. At least I used to be.

I had a lot of excuses for the bad decisions that I’ve made in the past. I had a long list of excuses for my bad behaviour and certainly made excuses when things went wrong. Of course I also had many reasons for not doing the things that I’m passionate about.

I used to believe that if I had an excuse, then I didn’t have to be responsible. I could get away with anything. And I did get away with a lot of things.

But I also paid a big price. Because I was too busy making all these excuses, I didn’t learn from my mistakes. I kept making them over and over again. I’ve wasted many precious opportunities to improve myself and my situation.

I was stuck in a rut, which is not exactly the kind of life I dreamed about.

I wanted an extraordinary life where I’d be doing what I love while making a difference to others. I didn’t want a life where I was just getting by.

So I knew my excuses had to go. Once I made the decision to let go of my excuses, I was able to focus on actually doing what I'm passionate about. I've been a happier person as a result of taking action instead of hiding behind my excuses.

Here's how I banished my excuses and how you can do it too.

Get clear about what’s important to you.

Once I got clear about what I want in my life and what’s important to me, I was able to see my excuses for what they really are: obstacles in my path to living my dream.

Once I realised just how much my excuses have been running the show and preventing me from living a fulfilled life, it was easier to let them go.

You can do it too. Ask yourself, what excuses have you been telling yourself and others for not pursuing your dreams? Why are you holding on to these excuses? Are your excuses more important than living the life you want?

Realise that having an excuse is not a substitute for taking action.

If you missed a deadline for example, having an excuse doesn’t make up for the fact that you missed it. You’re still late. You still have to bear the consequences, like it or not.

If you want to travel but always have an excuse not to do it, you’re still stuck in wishful thinking territory. You’re still not going anywhere.

If you want to start an exercise regime but always finding an excuse not to do it, you’ll still end up in poorer health despite your excuses.

Until you realise that your excuses are not substitute for taking action and responsibility, you’ll always be stuck. You would continue living a comfortable, but pretty ordinary life.

Take responsibility.

I’ve used my excuses to get out of owning up to my mistakes. I’ve also used it to justify my actions, no matter how damaging they were.

When you take responsibility instead of making excuses you'd find solution to your situation. It compels you to take action.

Realise just how much your excuses are hurting you.

Holding onto your excuses is pretty twisted. Yet we do it because it's an easy way out.

But if we’re really honest about it, we can see how it’s hurting us. Our excuses are holding us back. They prevent us from reaching our potential and living a fulfilled life.

Next time your excuses crop up, remember to see them for what they really are: ineffective and damaging habits that are obstructing your way.

Once you stop believing in your excuses, you can start living your life.

Please feel free to share with others. You may also want to read How to bounce back from failure.

No time to lose

Are you still putting off doing the things that you're passionate about? Time could be running out.

By Nila Sweeney

You’ve dreamed about visiting Norway to see the Northern Lights. You've always wanted to learn the tango and speak French. You've been thinking about quitting your job to start your own business.

Yet when push comes to shove, you get cold feet. You talk yourself out of it before you can say go!

You rationalise that there will plenty of time to pursue all these things. For the time being you need to make more money. You need to stick with your day job so you can save for that dream house or car.

So you go on living the same old life, doing the same thing, day after day, year after year. 

Occasionally, you notice a nagging feeling that perhaps there’s more to life than this. Then you look at where you are now. You’re comfortable. Why rock the boat? Why change anything now? So you revert back to living in autopilot. Possibly a mediocre life.

Then a big jolt. Someone you know has just passed away.

There’s nothing like death to shake you back into reality.

Like today, when I found out that one of my college friends has passed away. I simply couldn’t get around the fact that she’s gone. How did this happen? When did people in my generation start dropping dead? 

I guess I've been living under the false security that we’ll live a long life and that dying wasn't an option.

I was stunned at first and then I panicked. I mean if she died that young, then it could be my turn any day now.

I know it’s irrational to think that people should only die when they reach a certain age, but how often do you think about your own mortality? Exactly. Why would you even think of such a morbid thing, right?

The reality is we’ll never know when the time comes. And most of us don’t want to know about it anyway because we don’t want to face the reality of our own demise. It’s too horrifying. It’s such a dampener.

But just because we don’t want to face it doesn’t make it go away. By pretending it’s not there, we go on with our lives as if we’re going to live forever. We make plans, we party like it's 1999 and we can’t get no satisfaction (ok that’s really cheesy) as we work like crazy to build security around finances and our career. As if we’re absolutely certain we’re going to live long enough to enjoy the fruits of our labour.

But what happens if you don’t get to the end of the line? No one can predict how and when one person expires from this world. You hear it every day: people who are young, healthy, rich, beautiful, famous, poor or old people who are dying of various causes. So what makes us immune to this eventuality? When it comes to death, there’s nowhere to hide.

Stop putting your life on hold

It’s good to make plans and prepare for the future. This would be the responsible and sensible thing to do. However, it’s important not to get fixated by the end game that you put your life on hold for the time being.

We only get 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and if we’re lucky to live to a normal lifespan, we might live till we’re 80. You might think you’ve got all the time left in the world that you put off doing what you love. The truth is you may not have.

Death does not discriminate. When your time comes, ready or not, you will have to go and leave this world.

In your death bed, can you honestly say you’re glad that you held off living a full on life or you wished you’ve done more of the things you thought you’d have more time to do?

Next time you find yourself deciding whether to do something that’s exciting and scary now or leave it for another day; I’d challenge you to do it right away. You may not have a second chance.

That phone call to your mother and father that you’ve been meaning to make? Make it now. Tell your love ones how much they mean to you. Hug them; hold them close to your heart. Enjoy this moment while you can.

Probably the quickest way to be happy

“What I spent, I had; what I saved, I lost; what I gave, I have.” ― German motto

I’ve always considered myself to be a fairly generous person. I’ve always been willing to help out whenever I can and would often go above and beyond to lend a hand. So imagine my surprise and indignation when someone pointed out that I’m actually quite stingy. Whaaaat? Me, stingy?

Oh yes, I was rather offended. How could someone even suggest I’m stingy? Normally, I would be defensive to a point where I might even lash out to this person. “How dare you call me stingy! Don’t you know how I helped this person? Do you even know who I am and what I do?” And so on and so on. That’s how I would normally handle this situation.

However, in this particular instance, I actually managed to stop myself getting defensive about the remark. I took it in and with all the restraint I could muster, I asked why she thinks I was stingy.

She told me that I don’t share enough. “What do you mean I don’t share enough?,” I asked, with anger rapidly surging through my voice. She calmly explained that I actually don’t share enough love and affection to others, especially those that are not close to me. She pointed out that I don’t share enough of myself to others so they too can benefit from my experiences and knowledge. She also said I tend to withdraw love and affection as easily when someone pisses me off, instead of clearing the air and working out a way to resolve the upset.

Those remarks jolted me. She was right. I have been stingy. In fact, I have been extremely selfish. I have been quick at cutting people off my life when they’ve done something to upset me and I have steadfastly refused to deal with people I don’t like. A lot of times, they don’t even know the reason why I don’t like them. As far as I’m concerned, they don’t deserve my love and affection so I ignore them. That’s the messed up part. People actually have to “deserve” my love and generosity first before they get it. Wow. No wonder I’ve been unable to form lasting and meaningful friendships and relationships. 

Realising how selfish I’ve been really shook me. I realised that if I continue behaving this way, I’d end up isolated, sad and alone. Not the kind of life I had in mind.

So I started sharing, cautiously at first. But I realised that there’s really no point in holding back. So I went on a sharing rampage. Well, not quite, but I shared more than I normally would have. I have a long way to go. It’s a work in progress, but the payoff has been amazing. I’ve been a happier person as a result.

Each time I do something for others without expecting anything in return, each time I share myself genuinely with others without them having to deserve it first, I get so much more than what I give. I feel happy instantly. It’s more effective than any mood-enhancing drug you could ever take (legally). It’s so true that the more you give, the more you receive. Don’t believe me? Try it and see for yourselfJ

3 ways to beat your fear of not measuring up

By: Nila Sweeney

I've been wanting to blog for a very long time. I know it should have been a no-brainer as I've been writing for many years.

But I was very afraid of not measuring up to the “standards” set by the prominent bloggers out there. I was wracked with self-doubt.

Who would read my blogs? Will I be able to produce compelling articles that people want to read? Would people like what I write? There are already millions and millions of bloggers out there, who would care about what I have to say?

So I spent a couple more years consuming other’s work rather than creating them myself.

Then one day I realised, I’ve been letting my fear of not measuring up run the show. It’s been holding me back from pursuing the things that I really care about.

I realised that just because I’m new and unknown doesn’t mean I should give up the idea of blogging altogether. I may not be amazing yet but I can aim to be.  I can write honest and hopefully, helpful posts that people find relevant.

So far it’s been an interesting experience. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time. So how did I make the leap? Here are a few things that helped me get over my fear.

I stopped comparing myself with others

This is easier said than done. Even as I write this, my monkey mind is busy telling me that this subject matter have been done to death and there are better posts out there discussing this topic. And that I shouldn’t bother.

I now know that if I allow this voice to rule my action, I would stop. If I allow myself to compare my writing ability with others, I’d be utterly depressed and unable to proceed.

So instead of simply ignoring this nagging doubt, I face it squarely and acknowledge its presence and I keep on blogging anyway.

I focused on the things that I’m good at

This step is harder than I thought. That’s why I find it really difficult to put together my resume. I feel uneasy talking about the things that I’m good at.

When I first attempted this exercise, I could not list more than three qualities I see in myself. I’ve taken for granted so many things that I do well because I see them as rather “normal” and nothing too special. I thought anyone could do them, given training and time.

What I realised is that I can do and have done a lot of pretty exceptional things. I also became present to the vast knowledge on various subjects that I carry around and that I’ve taken for granted for a very long time. Taking stock of my strength made me aware how much more I can offer as a human being.

So try it. Make a list of everything that you’re capable of doing.  List all your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how trivial they look to you.

The aim here is not to brag about your achievements, but to get reacquainted with your innate greatness.

I learned to accept my flaws

Becoming aware of my limitation but not allowing it to control me has been another breakthrough for me.

I know I don’t have a perfect body, and I’m ok with that. I know that I have many character flaws such as procrastination and being judgmental, so I’m working on improving those areas. Instead of using these flaws to measure myself unfairly with others, I now see them as an opportunity to improve myself.

Comparing ourselves with others is completely unnecessary. It only makes us miserable, depressed and even jealous.

Instead of focusing on the things that you do not currently have, look at the things that are now present in your life, all the people in your life and the good fortune that you’re enjoying. That’s right. You have everything you need to live a happy and satisfying life, right now.

You may also want to read my article No Time To Lose for an extra dose of inspiration:-)